Eclipse

My sun is covered with my quest for the truth, i now realise that the truth is hidden in the darkest of places, not knowing how it got there, but the reward of finding it, is sunshine...

Monday, October 29, 2007

Fuel.

Part 1

Call it my drug, or my obsession, New Delhi.

The city's name on the television, or the radio, or the ever-impressive plane ticket. It lightens my spirit, and i usually tend to wonder, why?
My folks spent their whole lives moving, and when it was my turn to adapt, because i understood the meaning of the word now, things started to fall into place, i found reason, i found character, i found existence.
probably, the main reason for me doing my bidding in this innocence-long-lost work of art. Yes, it is, it is as passionate as a painter's vision and as abstract as his work. For me it brings harmony to my decadent, deceitful educational life. Education here does not persist its boundaries to my engineering facade, for it barely makes a nibble of the real deal. I greet, i meet, i learn.
I might be a little philosophical in my approach towards looking at a city, but it is worth my time.

Part 2

Gelled hair, Fast cars, diamonds, legs.

wondering why i put them all together? it is because i could not put them anywhere else to explain how it is to me.
Its not the look, its the idea behind it. People look good, they do like to look good and i am completely up for it, for i do tend to like when i do see, i listen, i think and then i hear and i decide.
Conversations remain constricted bordering closely from television, movies, food, relationships to the vague excerpt from one of the Delhi-ish.

"Bhenchod, tujhe pata hai main kaun hun?"
"teri gaand tod sakta hun main abhi"

(out comes the cell phone and the various speed-dial numbers ranging from the father to the goon.)

Part 3

Why?

A friend, A brother, A sister, The ex-girlfriends.

Part 4

Stoned in Saket.

My latest experience, which was my most enlightening of the lot was to reach a level of observation which i did this time, in saket.
The movie theatre just about masks the rest of the village when viewed from the street, it is a buzzing life-form in itself. Hundreds gather every evening to celebrate its existence, for it is and will be the essential.
As we make our way, the usual walk around the place, a friend decides to bring in an act of nobility, she rolls a joint.

McDonalds doesnt seem so bright anymore, Azzuro remains mysterious, Planet M is beautiful, for they are paying tribute to Pink Floyd, 24*7 remains the saviour, Barista is the old man in the corner, Bennigans is the snooty bitch i dont want to see, Ruby Tuesday is red, for it bleeds any paying customer to 'fucked for a fucking salad' state, Pizza hut, who gives a fuck? and Cafe coffee day, that idiot just had to be there now, right!

A corner houses a woman's obsession towards accessories, and books line up to make the pirated world a little more respectful than a decaying carcass. They buy and sell lives in books, numerous characters penned by thinkers of magnanimous capabilities.

There are herds of the hunters, there a groups of the hunted, the 'potentially awesome for the hunt', there is also the occasional marital bliss, and the overly excited tourists.
I do relate to man-woman chemistry when i mean the hunt. It is balanced, so feminists...who are u kidding?
i looked through them all, i do not know if i did see, but it's what i like looking for, they seem shallow, but they aren't, the true self shows in exceptionally dire circumstances, for which i long...
I enjoy New Delhi. Call me a cynic in this world of Diamonds and rust, but its the thrill of thought that gets me, and i get to think a lot about there. My Drug remains, and will.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Evolution of popularity.

Language was invented with the sole purpose of explaining one’s position. Head of the herd could communicate well, hunt well, was sought after by the women. Natural instincts of women could not be suppressed anymore, they said what they felt and did what they thought was right. Civilization was born.
From Neanderthals to the later stages, Man had someone he could look up to, an ideal idol. Gods were born, Kings were sought, Queens pampered, and the pattern of popularity started varying; now there were multiple podiums with numerous popularity-seeking individual identities.
Conquests and centuries later, when unity amongst one species was completely destroyed, and the world was defined as a map, countries distinguished, superpowers established, Project: Third World; a success.
Popularity still seems to be part of one pattern, Television, Movies, Glamour, Fashion, Pretty faces, handsome faces, and sports.
One may poise the question of how this pattern never seems to change, and take a new turn. I have that same question, is it the hypocrisy of the world population, to establish an identity which would in one way solve all their problems, for they would be popular. People would talk, they always do.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The balcony.

The balcony, yes. That's all i needed, the last weekend was all about that corner of the balcony, the corner with portals, the corner with clarity, the corner with the ultimate visual bliss.



Change was supposedly my hidden curiosity towards experiencing unexplored happiness, every moment if savoured with a taste for perfection in Nature's unfolding imperfect ways, one realises most changes with the sense of peace whilst acquiring vast amounts of knowledge together.

Engulfed by the wave, and still standing tall. The salt from the water stays on a little longer as if to carry the message of the abyss, the vastness, stating its respect for them still standing tall. They live on, in tandom for millions of years, respecting the presence and stature of eachother.



Brilliance, Nature. A fighter by 'nature'. A soldier of the army of the power, the divine supreme.



The ships sailing towards the harbor were since childhood, my secret valued possesions. The reason i loved sitting out at the bay for hours and hours as a child, viewing the lights from the vessels. Huge and powerful, moving slowly towards a certain destination, as a defined livelihood. They never realised the inspiration they provided to me, they were my jewels. People would go to savour the saline air, i would go to witness power vessels on their journey gently gliding over the part of the world, where they flew in their own space.



Sunrise, The hill shaped as a dolphin hides some of the burning king, the existence we are thankful for, we are.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Different night...

Nine pm, Saturday. It ends tonight, he ran through the plan in his head once more.
As she walked back through the entrance, the path leading to the dance-floor lit, signaling the queen back to her domain, she obliged. Emptiness was never a topic to be pondered upon by the dancing creatures of the night, it was a thinker’s theme, she thought. For she felt strange somehow, empty inside, every aspect of her vagabond life with all its shortcomings laid out in her head with conscience bombarding her with weapons of guilt, fear and angst.

The music was pumping, lights were dimmed, liquor was flowing and the entire room was filled with smoke. She couldn’t keep still; she tried to make her way outside, away from the crowd, the superficial. She noticed that she made it through the people easier than usual, she didn’t knock a glass over, or step on someone, and no one seemed to notice her anymore, they ignored her, as if they had known that in her mind at that exact moment, she betrayed them, she saw through them. What was so different about tonight? Why had no one seemed to notice that she was the queen?

It had gone as planned, it worked. He felt a sigh of relief as he ran through the possible consequences once more in his head, with the ticket in hand and the visa stamped. They did not seem to matter much anyway. The phone rang, his heart missed a beat. Had they known?
“hullo, hullo?”
No answer, strange.

She felt every second of her remorse, bizarre remorse. Never once in life, had she bothered about her ailing mother, or the hopeful father. She wanted to fly, and she felt more to the ground than ever before. Why tonight? What had happened tonight?

The shrill sound of a woman’s nerve-chilling scream startled her, there was panic suddenly, and they started whispering words that she never thought she would hear. She felt everyone’s gaze on her suddenly. But they looked down elsewhere.

She walked to the centre of the gathered circle, through the people. No one stopped her. There she was, asleep. Sleeping as she had been through the pointless life. Lifeless, still and cold. She fell to her knees, at the feet of the fallen queen. If only, she knew how. Her life would never be complete. Not in this lifetime, not the next.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

She-Topper

I waited for an hour before being 'spotted' by her, apparently she was caught up at college, looking up a case study and got carried away. WTF? that was the first time we met outside the college, the canteen had been my ground, and she was the library princess.
Considering the fact, that it had been almost two years since i had been a fresher. I did not have a library card. I did not read, nor did i know how many subjects i had that semester, but i do remember her beautiful lips, if lip-read, would say 'cos 90' and 'sin 120' through the sound-proof clear glass windows of the reading section. At that moment, trigonometry was the hottest thing on the planet.

She was a nerd, a hot one. If she had a caption it would read, 'difficult dame, disappointment inevitable'. oh, how they were right. She hated everything that did not have a hint of numbers, formulas or books. I was the king of this kind, the kind with no affinity towards paper other than the cigarette one's. Numbers, i was good with. I calculated the amount of money spent on every bottle, and how economical the 'other' bottles would have been.

I could not help but notice her everytime she walked past me, it was almost as if i had been struck by that big fat book of AUTOMATA in her hand. She had topped the last four semesters with no second place in close proximity. She was lusted for by them toppers themselves, God-forbid if she fell in their hands, they would make her do problems all their life, they would give birth to bigger and fatter books. I could not and would not let that happen, what a waste!! I had to do something, make my move,
'excuse me, i was wondering if you could help me...'

That was it, she smiled and came my way, i did not ever think that i would thank a book, but i did, i thanked JAVA in my hand. She came and asked me what it was, there was the bomb, i did not know JACKSHIT about java. I think she understood what it was, she looked at me slyly and walked away. I did not sleep that night. I passed on grass, which i must stress on is very important in engineering, it is almost the elixir of engineers.

The next morning was as good as the first, i had been asked to leave the first three lecture halls because i did not know the name of the subject, and i had loyal friends with me, who did not know that we had actually registered for the fifth semester, they thought it was still the fourth, hey! I am sure it was a mistake, shit happens.

I kept watching her throughout my only five minutes during every class, it was divine, she radiated brilliance, not her's but god's, his plan worked, she was perfect, she was the one I wanted.

As she entered the canteen, i just said it. 'I have trouble with automata too'

That was it, she was in love. I had just been promoted from 'careless bugger' to 'coming around and i must help him' boy. HEHEHEHEHEH!!

YEAAAAAAA! We met, i waited and it was a success, i learned that automata is a bigger bitch than it seemed to be, and that she was the youngest of three, the other two being older and being men. We talked more about ourselves, we left the bitch to rot! i hope to god that she does. It's still on, i'll keep posting.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Office: An intern's eye

Greatly accomplished as it was this internship, it was nothing close to what I had imagined, and the foolish descriptions of a mentor had enlightened my hope for a complete exquisite, tiresome and ruthless but fruitful experience, as always, the expected never happens, and I was first-hand thrown into this world of ‘bitching’, ‘bad-mouthing’ and extremely profession-less professional ethics.

9 to 6, that’s what he said, the man I was reporting to, the mentor in disguise as my ‘boss’, strange as that sounds, this man was the most obnoxious work of God, I know every human being is beautiful, and everyone is equal. But, just by the sheer atrocities of such a man can he sustain the reputation of a complete lunatic/bastard (especially by my favourite co-workers of the opposite sex). He was to some, just a weasel making his big-time decisions because of his recent promotion, he was a complete work of art, misplaced, unidentifiable, stupid-ass, abstract to some, but he was as clear as a god-damn wall to me.

His conversation with me started of on a very professional note, it was a greeting, and to my dismay, it was my job/humility to call him ‘sir’. With no respect for this personality lacking piece of junk, I had taken the chair of a colleague who was absent due to his viral infection, the one my boss should have gotten, but by chance slipped 10 steps away to this poor guy, lucky for me, I got myself an internet connection and eight hours of senseless browsing, it can be such a pain in the ass when you don’t want it.

He asked me to do ten things that I caught one of, and as luck would have it, it was to be done by the end of the day, searching for every recording equipment that my brain possessed during his one minute speech, I tried to put together what exactly he wanted from me, and as I found out by the end of the day, I was WRONG. I did what he asked, but apparently missed a few commas. Son of a bitch.

The other people in the department in which I was posted were very nice and sleazily suspicious about what I was doing, if I was listening in on their conversations, if I had found out that the one in the front was the office slut, the one in the back was frustrated enough to slit his wrists, and one wise woman. I respected her and I still do. The viral guy was just missing and I did not bother about what he would be, I had seen the king of monsters on a computer, I think I could handle a recovering patient of the oh-so-deadly viral infection. The boss of the boss was the no. 1 sleaze-bag in office, I was warned on my way from home that he would try to do everything in his power to lay my ass if he found out I was a girl, lucky for me, that sense-less bastard had his hands full with my grown-ass man self.

The next day was as good as the first, even better since I think I forgot to put a few semi-colons in my questionnaire, oh well, he probably did not understand what I was doing there in the first place, but he said good-job and he had just been promoted from overtly insensitive cock-sucker to a cunning, shrewd bastard. Sorry with the words, my tongue seems to have made a pact with my fingers on this board, every time he is in the picture so are these words of marvelous degrading power.
The ass-kissers in the office were so bloody in the face, it was unbelievable to see how these people managed to keep their jobs, I would rate it as harassment of the first order, sexual or not, these guys could do such a terrific job at it, “sir this sir that”, kiss my ass office slut. The frustrated idiot couldn’t even understand when the boss slyly said fuck-off, he still hoped for that multi-faced sleaze-factory to give him a raise, I don’t know what he wanted, but he was tired of the boss and so was I, he was in the department with that man-whore for about two years, and I could understand, I had half a mind of slitting with him and it had only been two days.

I had only just completed what he wanted me to do, and I kept impressing him with my flowery cover-up of words, that I think is god-gifted because the only words that my brain had personally given to me either started with F or with an M or with an A, I mean enough with that already, I think some divine power was operating on my tongue at that time, I held back all the forces of natural instinct and went against the odds and made my first statement, “sir, I cannot complete the whole period of four weeks, I have college and I have to get back”
Came the reply, “finish it in the week coming up, give us the presentation and I think that should be enough.”
I did what I had to, I cant say that I did not have a gala time at the field-surveys, I loved it and the person who was asked to take me there was a wonderful human being, I had fun on that job, and I think it was all worth it to see how what happened and why it happened, I have my answers, till I am questioned again, I think I shall be able to make a few smart moves to get me on that corporate ladder, where each step is dirty, bitchy, superficial, cruel and last but not the least, it needed that hold on that tongue, which I’m sure, divine intervention would take care of. ;)

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Darjeeling: 'nuf said.



It was a comfortable wednesday night at home, as i awaited my return to the godforsaken town whose name was etched on every inch of my identification as a college student. Being there was a whole different life altogether even though it was two hours away from home. The humble outlook of Calcutta is completely misunderstood and it fits the whole description of the phrase, "looks are deceving". And as i was deceived every single day of my stay at home, i wanted a break. Bangalore was a disaster, and as i was thinking about the weekend long debacle, my brother called asking me if i wanted to spend the end of this slow week in darjeeling, the excitement paced everything else up! I agreed almost instantly, and i took a friend along, the one from the stoner conversations we all love and have come to know as tanveer.
We started friday night only to reach the basecamp from where all the cars and the taxis make their way up the hills amongst the clouds in this secluded but modern haven of man. The hills are an amazing distraction when one is in excess of mono-living. I had to pick up my brother from the village en route to darjeeling, he was there for work(i got to know what later, and i was so thankful!)

He had promised us everything that we wanted and boy did he deliver, he was top notch in everything he did, and i looked up to him throughout my life and this weekend was no different, we reached the cottage in darjeeling which was entitled to him, the deputy magistrate.
The name of our abode of peace and tranquility was tulip, fitting for the best cottage in town, as beautiful as the fireplaces inside were, so was the outside, which gave it an eerie historic touch. It was made in the 1920's and was occupied by the governor's personal physician(it's behind the governor house).

Tanveer and I made the living room into a live weed garden, and the bedrooms were the crash sites for distraught minds and tired bodies. The stuff that the brother had gotten for us was the best we had smoked so far, thanks man!

The view from Tulip was the only place from where when seen, we realised we weren't connected, the phones had full signal. the layers of hills from atop the hill we were on was astonishing, there were hills standing straight in numbers as if to hold us back in this town, we were more than happy to comply.

Imprisonment had never been so smooth, just the walks were tiring but one glance of the hills made up for all the steps taken at bordering acute angles, it was approximately 15 minutes from tulip, the multiplex movie theatre, bhai had something to give to someone there and we walked, we had glenary's on the right which was this modern day eaterie with a fabulous cafe, a phenomenal restaurant and an uptown pub. The similarities with the rest of the world were obvious, after all it was a human settlement, and whats a 'human' settlement without these!
After the walk around the town and meeting people, we had decided to call it an eventful first few hours, we got back to the flowery abode of grass and got merry.
The machine that was working in tandom with me was super-high by evening, and he started his fits of laughter, the sight was so relaxing, it brought in mind sarah brightman and her eden! My brother woke up and by the time he was done getting ready for his social arrangments 4000mts above sea level, i wondered if the social glue of the human race got through everything else, as it did through the hills of darj.

He had to do what he did best, and we were obliged to experience darjeeling with the best and the both of us never once felt like tourists, we went to joey's next which was beside the movie theatre, and i had the idea of getting tickets for spiderman, the new movie in town and which i wanted to watch, but my village at a meagre level of the sea did not provide the oppurtunity, so i wanted to grasp this, so i went in and got tickets for the next day's show, and then we sat in joey's listening to janis jopin, chuck berry, louis armstrong, a little hendrix too, the guy who owned the place was a delight and this was my brother's joint, so everything was ours! we had a blast, and then bhai had to go to another place called omni which was this new venture started by these two other guys, one heavily tattoed and the other was a simple goateed, surajda and sameerda, the brother insisted on calling them with the suffix of 'da' or i would come across as disrespectful. Listening to him as we always do, i was happy and it paid off, surajda made me a hot tody, the drink of darj! its 60ml brandy with water and honey, a heavenly surprise, very pleasant!

Tanveer was stoned anyway.

We came back to tulip, walking when no one else was, ten in darj is two am everywhere else, it was 15.5 degrees and we were comfortable, it was may and it was the summer in calcutta, who wouldn't be?
The walk was spooky but fun nonetheless, we were too high to see a ghost or even something that we shouldn't!
The next day was the laziest ever, it was one of the days we just wanted to sit and get stoned(like any other day!) we saw the movie in the afternoon and got back in the evening to siliguri for the train.

We watched a movie in darjeeling, we lived in the best place possible, we walked with them, we sat at the mall, had sandwiches in glenary's, sat for hours in joey's and gossiped, had hot tody in omni, we did it all, we 'lived' as citizens of darjeeling, it was a very alien feeling, out of this world, loved every second of it.

Monday, April 30, 2007

The Same World

People from all around the world, Blacks, Iranians, Indians, Brits(the whole lot!) had come together in this world of oppurtunity at the knee of the country. They renamed it Bengaluru recently, but its the same Bangalore to everyone else. The weekend was my chance to get away from the monotonous classes and college, and i thought that it would be good for me to experience a new city for a break, after visiting Delhi for every other weekend that i wanted a break. A close friend was there and so was one who i had known since the time i can remember, they were the ones who had taken upon them the responsibility of showing me around and letting me crash at night when the whole day was spent at attaining the level of satisfaction, that "fun" would bring. And if we were satisfied with the fun we had, we'd call it a night.

Fun can never be measured with points and numbers, but when it was the turn of someone i thought i knew, it was a whole different ball game! We got into the best clubs in the city without the cover charges because of his contacts, and he thought it was nice to flaunt to his old friend about how much he had achieved. Sadly enough, my decisions were involuntary as, on it rested the grumpiness or happiness of the faces of two other individuals, one he was in love with and the other was just a part of his weekend routine of "compulsive fun".

The other two were sensible people but just at the wrong place at the wrong time, i pitied them, but i understood their position for the past couple of months, and i would exactly know how they felt as rational beings to be part of this ridiculous lifestyle. End of the month, no money, expectations are supposed to be low and fun is supposed to take a back seat, survival strategies have to be thought over, survival, it seemed, had a different definition in this guy's head. My best friend was by my side during this ordeal that i would call educational, if the subject of one's interest was character understanding.

Superbikes were out by midnight, and they weren't ridden for the thrill or the adrenaline rush, but to pick up the women who were scantily clad in their branded vaults of wastage, money was around, Bling was dust, the air was contagious, trust me, not in a good way.

Intimidation was felt around the room, everyone was talking about the one who looked the best or the one who didn't know if she was wearing the skirt as a hat or a hat as a skirt. Superficial is what it is called. Cell phones were worth as much as the per capita income of Zaire, Fast cars were parked on the driveway, the occupants lived 2 blocks away, but they had to drive, what if the dust of the city took away the shine of their overtly decked face and weeks of planning inches of placing the ever-shining make-up. We were the laggers, the broke people who had to be there because we got in for free, and we had to make our presence felt, never ever had i experienced forceful partying, i guess there is always a first time for everything, it was pool side, the numbers started pouring in, and one wouldn't once think twice about calling our country one of the poorest in the world, at this rate, we were the richest in this world and all the other ones.

"Shake what your mamma gave you"...hahahah, thats what i thought, if only someone had rattled their brains when they were heading into this path towards nothingness and popularity, they would actually shake their teeny-weeny microscopic brains and then make decisions which would stop their own selves from the wrath of contagious showing off and power flashing...

I love music, but it is definitive for every single person, i would rather sit in a corner, drink something that would not cost the sky, and have my time with my close friends, and meet their acquaintances and grow a network which would last, and which would be originally valuable, but here value had a different definition all together, i guess materialism took over for this weekend. If we had to define a church in their terms, it would be a building made of gold and plated with platinum just in case the markets fell and gold prices went down!! It wouldn't matter who was in it.

Relationships were born, some destroyed, passes made, rejections taken, Women danced, the men watched while moving. A 'woman' knew she was the tallest amongst all of the other present at that party, so she thought it was a good idea to walk around the pool fifty times, so people could take a closer look at her and then come to know the truth, that she was actually the tallest and the only transvestite at that party posing as a woman, i have nothing against a transvestite, they have a right to party too, but not as woman, come as you are.

It's unbelievable how much people change in minutes, and how people have changed in years, i don't blame anyone, just the meal on the plane, it was the first satisfactory portion on an airline, which had never happened before, but since i paid enough on the weekend, this was god's way of saying, when you down in the dumps, the higher plane, no matter if it was still underground would feel like heaven, i'm back home, i spoke to the people who meant a lot, and i sent my message to someone who i thought meant a lot, a lot has changed, it was a weekend, Life's too quick, i have to make the best of it, this time, it was decided and planned, next time, it will be.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Whats with the vocabulary?

I was bored to death, the morning was lazy as lazy can be. There was that nice song playing in the back, yes, as a personal soundtrack of life, it could have very well been a movie.
Reading random blogs sometimes please me, and i sometimes wonder if people ever did this as a thing to while away time. i stumbled upon a couple which were beyond my personal realm of understanding, as if it was some code that my brain had to decipher and then the mind would understand what my eyes were seeing, they were words, words that i had never ever seen before. I agree i am not a compulsive reader, nor do i prefer to remember words, my conversation is limited to the understandable level. Layman is what i would term myself as, well universal appeal might not be the motive of these bloggers, they feel they need to show their talents(so to speak) through words which the world would need a dictionary to understand. i haven't met people who speak like this, nor do i feel that it is imperative to learn and understand words which i would never use in a normal sit down with someone. That, which i call real life.

Do they write their blogs in Microsoft word, and then keep looking for synonyms for their simpler words? or do they seriously think that they would dream of using those codes in real life! i wish them luck, and i thank them for giving me this opportunity to write something about! I never said they weren't useful, tickled my funny bone, gave me a laugh, and i went on with my life with another song playing in the back, this was a phase, a nice little phase, rush of emotions, bunch of questions, all answered with one little blog! writing helps!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Why people do what they do...

As i listen to trouble by coldplay, i seriously start thinking about a life without one. Marvellous is what it would be termed as, but since no one has the pleasure of leading a marvellous life, i start thinking about how someone would figure out the definition of a perfect life, it might be a day long but it has to be perfect, and it would be a fairytale ending. "happily ever after" would be carved on one's tombstone. Tombstone here could represent anything which is everlasting or which goes on and on as a legacy.

This post comes only a few days after the world was shocked by an act of madness, he was crazy to be shooting all of those people in that hall, it depresses me to even term myself human, after the massacre at Virginia Tech. We as humans are capable of doing such amazing as well as such horrible things, that makes me wonder if there was a supreme power or just evolution, if we have evolved into a stage where we can make our decisions which may affect the lives of others, do we have that power?? do we possess the necessary intelligence to be living in this world of oppurtunities and mishaps?? maybe.
The world here on the internet is so connected and as if everyone was working together here, maybe that is what is missing, the sense of belonging and the sense of terming us as a community more than terming us as individuals, maybe that would bring about a change in how the world is progressing today.

Some things have happened in the past that i regret now, but i don't regret the circumstances that i was in, probably if i wasn't in that place at that time, i probably wouldn't know how to react if i faced it again at some point of time in the future, i forgive easily but i do not forget, because i believe that circumstances and situations make people do what they do, of course leaving aside the maniacs on a killing spree. When someone abuses or reacts, its denial. Anger, distress and anxiety are all expressions of weakness according to Freud, if it was so, then every human being is weak in one sense or another, no one is perfect. Blink decisions help us to make most of our changes, numerous calculations and amazing pros and cons are discussed in that fifth of a second in which we make our move. The perception of good and bad comes with the inclusion of the past and the teachings, if we learnt well, we live well.

Circumstances are the only way we learn and the only way we regret or forget, the past is so important in our present lives that we don't stop to think once about why, how and what happened.

If there is a God
I know he likes to rock
He likes his loud guitars
His spiders from mars


Who are you this time?
Are you one of us, flying blind
Cause I'm down here throwing stones
While you're so far from home

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Word: Hurting and heavy

Since this morning, I've had the most weird doubts about some issues i shouldn't have doubts about, its absurd and completely irrelevant to my sense of living and belonging to this community that we very easily and casually term 'human'.
the world is a cynical, cunning area for activities which belong here, the word spread about something can be hugely successful for someone and equally weird and unsuccessful for someone else, in this age, thought processes are so vast and diverse that there is little room for rumors, the word is so big a term, that even the most unimportant of things make sense!

the general idea about somethings that we have are so blunt and hellbent, that we do not think beyond them, it is because, orthodox ways of living are so trusted, because they have got us where we are today, and risks are not a part of the daily curriculum of the being. some people believe in working towards a goal or a particular destination which apparently 'destiny' holds the answer to, believe in it, and it shall drive you in its own chosen path, the actual path might be sketched in your mind, but the turns that you are supposed to take in there are lead by this person or living personification of thought. Destiny had it for me to think on these lines because i have to admit being led or driven by this overrated term or process, i have never once realised what led me into being the man today, is it my past or is it my thought of the future, i have difficulty in placing them in boxes which are labelled accordingly.

my past teaches me on my path, there are places that are alluring and they want me to go their way, but i drive on...i stop for gas when i sleep at night and i wake up in the morning shifting to high gear for the road to continue on its unknown way, without markers or boards to help me, i take my keyboard as my punching bag, and i punch letters, which are heavy hurting to the tips, I'm in a hurry and i am high, i want to get rid of my emotions so that i can enjoy what's playing on the pod now, its called music and this moment feels like heaven.